During the holiday season, I'd like to share a letter to People for Ethically Treated creatures or whatever. The abbreviation isn't important, the message is.
Dear P.E.T.E.R.,
We need your help. And by ‘we’ I mean Sharks. Did you ever hear of Martha’s Vineyard? If not I’ll do an impression of it to help you understand what it’s like. (In rich voice) “Oooh look at me, I’m Martha’s Vineyard. I’m better than Cape Cod because I’m a fancy Island. Look at my quaint villages, charming harbors, and gorgeous beaches. Look at my Kennedy’s**.” (Now scary voice) “Oh ya, and my Monster Shark Tournament! I hook sharks, I kill sharks, and I make fun of them! RAAAA!!!”
This is a very serious and very scary matter. I truly don’t think the Vinyardians know what they’re dealing with, and I know you do. I always hear how you love animals, even the gross ones. Please stop this horrible massacre, before it’s too late. These people think they can just go into any ecosystem and chop up what ever they want. They don’t realize the consequences of pissing off these ferocious creatures. The thought of retaliation scares me and my children beyond belief. We don’t live on Martha’s Vineyard, but we do have a beach six blocks from our home.
So please do what you can. In the mean time I’m trying to put together a tournament of my own. I’m currently calling it “The Super Shark Feeding Tournament”. We’ll go out in boats and simply feed sharks. I haven’t come up with a way to win just yet, but at least I’m on my way to sway any sharks who are on the fence with their opinions of humans.
Love always,
Jimmy
**Lot’s of famous Kennedy’s go there.
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