The Iowa Caucus

If you ever wondered why many people in the Middle East are so resistant to democracy, they probably heard about the Iowa Caucus.

At the Iowa Caucus, at least on the Democratic side, the voters show up at 7PM at a school, library, etc. and they stand in the corner or against a wall in an area designated for their candidate. Then they try to convince each other to change their minds by threatening to punch their heads in for supporting such a pansy ass liberal, or by offering the use of their snowblower or the opportunity to swap wives. Then they count them up. If a candidate doesn't have 15%, those people are told that they have to go somewhere else. Then a second round of bribery and violent threats takes place until everyone is behind a candidate with at least 15%. Final totals are tallied, reported and delegates are awarded.

There isn't all-day voting, so if you happen to work at 7PM, you don't count. If you have to work a 2nd job because of the rising cost of health care, tuition, heating oil, gas etc., you aren't important. Which is ridiculous because those are exactly the voices we need to hear, those disaffected by a corrupt political system that doesn't care about them. It's only available to those who don't work at 7PM.

You gotta be kidding me. You have kids, good luck finding a sitter because everyone that isn't working at 7PM should be out caucusing, so there's no one to watch your kids. And here's the biggest travesty of all. There's no absentee voting, so that means everyone who is serving in the military overseas defending this country has no say in selecting the candidate who may be their commander in chief.

Is this some sort of a sick joke? We try to spread democracy throughout the world and this is how we conduct the most important vote in the country? That brings up another thing: Who the hell decided Iowa and New Hampshire voters get to have so much say in picking the President? They influence the race way too much, this is America and this is democracy, everyone's voice should be heard equally. For crying out loud, Montana and South Dakota don't vote until June 3rd, why do they even bother showing up? Their votes don't count. It's a travesty that our democracy, supposedly the greatest in the world, can't choose its candidates better than this.

If not everyone gets a say, you might as well let the presidential candidates be selected by Tallent. It's been established that he would do a better job than voters who pick MVP and Cy Young awards, All-Star teams and Gold Glove winners, so why not presidential candidates? It can't be worse than the Iowa Caucus.